This year I have taken on a lot of new changes in my life, and one of those changes is that I have left one school district for another. This means, I am a "new teacher" and am having to transition into a new system, new campus, new curriculum, new team, new community... as you can see the operating word here is NEW.
I have learned a lot about myself in this process, and I have to admit, some things aren't very fun. In fact...
I kinda suck.
No. Really. I do.
Of course back to school season is chocked full of professional learning situations, so "learning" is inevitable, but learning takes on a scary side when you move completely out of your comfort zone. What gets really surprising is when you discover that there are more zones of comfort than just one. Ouch.
What I know about myself now is this:
1. I am still a perfectionist after all these years.
2. I have mostly a growth mindset, but that gets challenged when I am anxious about my new environment.
3. I am the learner in the room that will work hard, wants to do well, but is nervous as all crap in new situations and this sets me up for failure.
4. I take what I know for granted and this sets me up to make careless mistakes that make me look like I don't know as much as I really do.
5. I can be a show off.
6. As much as I fear being arrogant, I can sometimes be completely full of myself.
7. I need to work on trusting my colleagues and their work more.
8. Every season in our lives and journeys serve purposes. I have to embrace the season in front of me, humble myself to the process and submit to those in leadership before me no matter what knowledge, talent, experience, or credentials I bring to the table. Submission and service come first.
I know now I am...
Just because I am an adult, a seasoned teacher of 20 years, and involved in all the things outside of school doesn't mean that I am a perfect learner. NOT AT ALL. I started this new leg of my journey telling myself that we can't learn in our comfort zones, so why am I having meltdown after meltdown now that all the comfort is taken away? What was I thinking? What did I expect?
In a few short days, my new flock of students will arrive in my classroom, and I know now that, I am one of them. Absolutely and completely. I know last year's flock taught me that being human and authentic is the best thing I can do to build relationships, and with this year's new found wisdom, I think I am supposed to carry with me every day how I am like each one of them in my room. I am supposed to tell them how I am like them, and how we are going to get through this year together.
I want my students to know I AM them, and I am kinda terrified like they are to fail, to succeed, to be terrible, to be great, to do all of the things. More adults should tell kids how we aren't so different at all.
Then, there are my colleagues... Ay de mi...
I want my colleagues to know that I chose this journey with the intention of becoming a better teacher, colleague, presenter, blogger, but more than that, to become a better Amy. It may not be pretty every day. In fact, it probably won't be pretty everyday, but my heart is pure even if my attitude sometimes stinks. And, I promise I will do all I can to love them, serve them, give them grace and mercy and a soft place to fall when they need it, because Lord knows I need all of that, BADLY.
To refine gold, it must go through the fire.
To make sand, rocks have to be tossed against each other in the waves.
To make a diamond shine, rough edges must be knocked off.
I signed up for this.
I can do it. It all has a purpose.
Learning isn't done in my comfort zone.
Happy Coaching! Happy Back to School! Happy 2019-2020 to us all!
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